I’ve come to a harsh realization: I am a slacker.

I am lazy, I nap whenever possible, and if I had my druthers I wouldn’t work manual labor (or much other kind) for the rest of my days.

There, I said it.

Now, this is not to say that I have no purpose in life. No, no, not true. Nor am I some kind of bacchanalian hedonist who only enjoys the good things. My pleasures, my purposes, are simple. Not paychecks or moving up a corporate ladder, these are not my dreams. I crave amazing foods, new places to explore, new experiences and conversations, new environments and people to talk to which also means sadness upon leaving, disappointment when something doesn’t shake out quite right, and the inevitable happy upswing when they do. These desires do not lend themselves well to a structured, habitual, 8-5 environment and if I’m honest, I always knew this about myself even from a very young age. Those job placements we take from time to time confirmed it; all the jobs I seemed to fit were not standard hour gigs: Teachers, scientists, lawyers, psychologists… those were the career suggestions they gave me. Not stockbroker or even homemaker (though in my more honest, domestic moments, I admit that I love keeping house when I have a house of my own to keep), but rather, positions that did not require a clock-punch. In fact, some of my most despised positions have been policed by clock-watchers, but I’ve said all that before.

So now that I’m back on the job hunt, I’ve felt a bit aimless about it. The idea of another 8-5 M-F thing was rubbing me the wrong way as I applied to one employer after another. Graphic design didn’t feel like the right move, even though it’s all I’ve known for a while. Social media marketing is still in its infancy and is hard to break into without a marketing degree (as useless as that is, anyway) and is largely still falling into the category of “sales”, which is unfair in some respects and grossly inaccurate in others. Regardless, I submitted some resumes to the food service industry because I’m comfortable there, it’s a language I speak fluently and an environment I find myself missing quite a bit from time to time. I can’t exactly wait tables or bartend anymore thanks to the herniated disc of ’14, but one surefire way to get back in, is administrative work through the front office. I keep trying, I keep waiting. While technically this would fall into the Regular Joe working hours thing, it would also allow for evenings, weekends, and special events tweeting, Instagramming, and marketing. These things appeal to me… at least, I say that now.

Two nights ago, we were having raclette with some friends of ours (it’s like horizontal fondue) and got to talking about Dylan’s school schedule and post-school prospects, and my job search  – which I might add, is probably one of the most boring conversations a person can have – when the wife of the couple mentioned transcription work. She had a friend who was a new mom and looking to stay occupied while making some money at home, and she started doing professional transcription for medical, industrial, scholastic, whatever. Basically, as best I understand it, the transcriber listens to dictated recordings someone makes and then types it all out, ergo, transcript. It requires fast WPM (86+ last test I took, thank you), a firm grasp of the English language, and good copywriting skills. Helllooooo!

I started to think: maybe the reason I’m feeling so restless about my prospects is because we’re hoping to move to warmer climes in a year or less if we can swing it. I don’t want to seek and start a dream job then quit if that’s to be the case, I really just need to make a paycheck to put towards that move. I do hate a daily commute, even if it’s wonderful for my book intake, and depending on Dylan’s prospects, he may need the car anyway, not to mention the money we’d save on public transit costs for one of us. Perhaps working from home is the best way to go, here. I loved that about freelancing, and it’s something I hope to be able to do no matter what I wind up with in the future. God willing, there’s a home office in it for me one day. So today I take several tests for several transcription placement websites, then I wait.

I have an interview in a few weeks for a marketing level II position, I need to do some research to see what I can bring to that party. Glassdoor tells me that the employer is good to work for and provides great benefits and pay, so that’s encouraging, but that they centralize all decisions and therefore it takes a long time to hire/fire/get anything done (they set the interview up for 30 days from initial conversation about a month after I applied, for example). That is a con, admittedly. Still, it’s good to have options and there is something to be said for leaving the house.

If the working-from-home thing becomes my particular normal, I would have to commit to a routine of not staying in pajamas until 3, and ideally not have to clear last night’s dishes off the table prior to going to work. I would need a designated space, which in a studio apartment is freaking impossible. These are speedbumps. Coffee shops aren’t options, too much ambient noise, and it’s an awful lot of typing so the library is a dicey prospect as well. Plus, it would have to start after Dylan is out of the house at work because the absent-minded throat-clearing and the talking to the dog… love ’em both but that can’t fly when I’m quite literally hanging on every word of the stranger on the other end of the earphones. These are speedbumps but not unworkable. There are even hourly rental office spaces nearby, though those may not be cost-effective in the longer run.

So there you have it. The slacker’s not-so-slacker version of a job search. If you have the ability to hoist out of bed every morning and post up at a desk for eight hours, God speed. We need people like you, you make the world go around at least in part, but not everyone is stitched from that fabric and that is ok. I’m grasping that and trying not to feel badly about it since the traditional world would say otherwise, along with better eating, more movement, and a general face towards a freaking exciting future. 2016… show me what you got!


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