Settling In

Penny+Dylan-474-X2Never in life have I watched a month go by in light speed. June was that month. I know something major happened and I did some traveling and all, but I cannot believe it’s now the 30th because I can’t really tell you how we got here.

The wedding was perfect, I would have changed only minor details and overall I was thrilled with all of it. Married life is nice. I mean, all three weeks of it anyway. Dylan and I didn’t live together first so the initial month has been a lot of, “oh…he leaves his shoes in front of the closet, huh?” and, “wow, I can get ready with the door open in the morning and he doesn’t wake up at all!” realizations. We still do our laundry independently though I know that will change once he starts school in the late afternoons and I’m alone to do it in the evenings. Right now though, I’m working and he’s at home. An admitted House Husband, he says he really enjoys housekeeping and taking care of our home. This means I can give him the good ol’ Honey Do list and for the most part, it gets done with gusto. I will admit that I’m anxious for him to get on a schedule, part of me curses a little when I’m bleary eyed and heading out the door at 7:45 when he’s snoring soundly in bed, tucked in and cozy.

He starts welding school in a week or so and once that begins, he’ll be gone until 8:45 every night. We’ll see each other for a few hours until I go to bed and that will be that. Our weekends will be precious and highly guarded until classes finish in the fall, presuming he doesn’t do some continuing ed before being job-placed. We have a friend who went through this same program that excelled and was being tapped for work before he finished the first round, and Dylan is one of those handy guys who can pick tools up and immediately make them work so I am confident that he’ll be successful. It’s going to make for some strangely quiet evenings though, and coming home to solo dinner will be a bummer. Ah well, it won’t be for long.

Something interesting, maybe even mildly annoying, has happened in the midst of all this wedding planning and execution. My friends who are settling and trying to make things work which simply are not, have come to the forefront of my mind. No one wants to hear love advice and musings from disgusting newlyweds and I don’t blame them, so I keep my thoughts to myself here, but it becomes so incredibly difficult to see my dear ones convince themselves that the person they are with is the best person for the job when 90% of the closer people in their lives know that is not the case. Lady friends who always wanted kids are suddenly shrugging and feigning ambivalence on the topic, directly reflecting the ambivalence of the men they’re with. Who moves to be closer to whom is almost always ultimately given in to the stronger partner in the equation. It’s truly painful and I wish I could grab all of them by the shoulders and yell, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS but no one ever really listens. It would be one thing if we were all in our 20s or even early 30s but we aren’t, and the clocks are ticking for many of them (baby or otherwise). So to them I silently say: It’s time to stop waiting for perfection but it’s also most definitely time to stop settling. It’s good to be alone until the right thing comes along or you may miss it.

In even sadder news, we exhausted all possible options and have to give our wonderful pit mix Jorah up to the Anti-Cruelty Society on Thursday evening. We can’t have him where we live and our lined-up foster is moving away. We hit social media, spread the word, tried to make all kinds of connections to keep him close or at least with friends but nothing. There have been a lot of tears but this is the best option. Right now he’s basically alone most of the days until Dylan can take him out and run him a few times, but every time he does he can see Jorah is more despondent. I’ve never met a dog who loves and needs people like Jorah does, I have no doubt he’ll make someone very happy. Dylan rescued him when he needed it, and Jorah rescued Dylan right back when he needed it. I believe the next person will need Jorah too and it will happen all over again, he’s a very special guy. Still, Thursday evening is going to be difficult, my heart breaks for them both.

So now life is going to take the shape of whatever it will be until fall when Dylan finishes school and we move into a (God willing) non-studio apartment and he begins a new career. We’re throwing around the idea of living overseas for a while sometime around fall 2016. It’s exciting to think about and truth be told, feels more achievable than the RV plan does for some reason, particularly because we’d be living somewhere Dylan already lived. Until then, we attempt to exist frugally and simply (ha ha) with our gazes steered forward, tacking into the wind, hand in hand. So far it is very, very good.

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