Forced Change

Have you ever had a friend or a relationship or a job or a location drop away (or out from under) you without much warning? I’m not talking about a death, here. I’m talking more like, something shifted. The wind direction changed and while it was at your back for a long, seemingly endless time, suddenly it blew around and was proceeding to dry your contacts out and mess up your hair. Forces at work. Conspiring forces? Maybe.

The last time I lost a job, for example, it was a huge benefit because it forced me to go back to school focus on something I knew I should have been doing rather than the job I hated with every breath in my lungs. It was a blessing in disguise, as it happened. I had a sense of that even then, even in the shock of the loss.

Thing is, when you don’t want it to happen and you are greatly tied to a particular facet of life and it helps to make you who you feel you are, it’s just about impossible to have that sort of perspective.

Sorry for the vagueness, here. I’m dealing with something today that could end tenure somewhere and with people who I have come to really admire, respect and cherish. If it happens, it will be at the hands of another and it will be totally out of my control. If it happens, I will be a depressed and angry person. I’ll have to search for the upshot in it, the logic and the intelligence (because that’s what gets me by in hard times). For now I need to breathe deep and cross fingers. And try to remember to hold my tongue.

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