People, believe it or not, today I completely forgot that I was keeping track of Top Chef last season. What kind of crappy blog keeper am I?

So with that little bit of regret I will now open the floor for… TOP CHEF NEW YORK CITAY! And just so you know, if you’re unfamiliar, I write in real time via the DVR. I rewind and pause then play and type. You read it as I saw it.

Opening hype! Toughest season ever! Shots of New York! Flambe! Cursing! Pouting! Irritated judges! Yes, it’s that time of year again…

There’s really someone called Fabio? Oh you poor man. Ew Jeffrey just winked. I don’t trust winkers. Lots of tattoos this season. Radhika is from Chicago, though I’ve never eaten at her restaurant. Wow Carla is… tall. Aww rosey cheeked culinary student Patrick. Ooh Finnish accent. Nice. Ooh east coast accent. Not so nice. Requisite gays. Padma. Tom.

Quickfire Challenge numero uno! Loser gets the boot straight away:
First round, peel 15 apples using a knife (not a peeler), chef Tom judges that. First nine go onward. Hosea Rosenberg speaks! Jewish much? Finnish Stefan is immune, he finished first.
Round two: remaining eight cheftestants have to tiny dice their apples, last four standing go on to third round.
Round three: remaining four have to make something out of their apples, Tom judges the final product. The culinary student is my prediction for adios with his “simple apple salad” citing quality over speed… hmm…

Yep, it’s down to Patrick and his buddy Lauren (who were friends previously, ouch). Wow… it’s Patrick staying and Lauren going. She was slightly cocky actually, though sadly her husband is fighting for our country overseas and she now has to go home and think about that. But the ferry waits for no one, see ya later lady!

Elimination Challenge already, no rest for the weary/wicked/Wustoffs (ha! oh me…)

Teams formed, knuckles bumped. They go home to settle in. It’s an apartment not a house, as you’d expect in New York, but mind you a 5 million dollar apartment in Brooklyn. The gays have bonded, there appear to only be three this time around. We have accents, thick ones, and ooh subtitles! The Fin and the Italian are already offending people with their attitudes.

The Challenge has the competitors preparing food from the neighborhoods on the knives they drew from the block the day before, two per team, battling each other. Brighton Beach is Russian, did you know that? I didn’t. Astoria is Greek, did Carla just say “spirit guide”? Like, Johnny Cash coyote spirit guide? Awesome! Little Italy, Chinatown (oh Patrick is scaring me with his innocence and lack of experience), Little India…

First time in the kitchen, everyone’s agog. GE plug though a mild one, Fabio’s accent isn’t like any other Italian accent I’ve heard before… I kinda like it. This New Jersey chick has absolutely zero self confidence. Blondie Jeffrey ran out of time, hardly anything made it onto his plate, oops.

Judging. Guest judge is Jean-George Vongerichten – ok that’s a little intimidating – Tom, Padma and ugh Gail. She’s the Michael Kors of Top Chef, aways looking like she smells something bad.

The pairings yeild the following losers: New Jersey’s couscous, gay Richard’s overcooked lamb, Radhika’s mushy fish and rice, Fabio’s… they don’t really say why, Carla’s was just less good but not bad, Melissa’s underseasoned steak, Patrick’s gummy and bland Asian thing, Alex’s lack of pure Indian (which was an accident on Eugene’s part).

Deliberations. Glad storeroom, time to be judged!

Bring ye forth Stefan, Eugene and Leah (winners), Patrick and Ariane (losers). I’m going with Patrick, though I could see why they’d drop Ariane as well – either way, you’re getting rid of low self esteem which poisons all efforts and basic immature cooking knowlege which will be Patrick’s undoing regardless of what he makes. Eugene’s Indian home run seems like too much of a fluke to be a good prediction for the future. Stefan wins the challenge, and Padma notes that the winner of the first challenge has historically gone on to win the whole thing but for one season.

Arian didn’t know how to make her grains and beans, period. Basic. Patrick didn’t display clear knowlege of Chinese ingredients and wound up making something generic, they say. They are saying without saying that he hasn’t been around, tastebud-wise. Oops Arian just shot herself in the foot by telling them that she cooks out of cookbooks and not by experience. Red flag, judges. Don’t let this woman keep on making a fool out of herself, be kind and let her go home. Patrick is at least young enough to be moulded and taught. I think Arian set her dial to destructo before even setting foot in the door.

They choose to keep Arian and tell Patrick to go… I disagree. They want him to finish school, I say this is better school than he’d get in school. Oh geez in the upcoming shots they show Carla comforting Arian with a “you deserve to be here” while Arian cries. Really, people? Really? Ugh… whatever.


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