Top Chef, episode 7

Holy crap, it’s that time of the week again and I’m feeling snarky, kids.

Stephanie notices folks seem to disappearing around here and notes her luck and skill.
Antonia is still in the running.
Kiwi (not Aussie, oops) Mark wants to make some American food (and needs a comb).

Guest chef judge, Oprah’s chef: Art Smith – how many chefs does Oprah go through in a year? That sounds like a joke set up, doesn’t it?

Quickfire Challenge: fabulous entree in 15 minutes.

Now, first of all, this challenge features Uncle Ben’s pre-seasoned and microwavable Ready Rice which takes only 90 minutes to cook. Seriously? Honestly? Wow. Way to lower the bar and feed the judges total slop. Quality my arse.

We have fried rice (two), seafood scallop pancakes, stuffed peppers and tomatoes, miso-glazed turkey breast (Mark: turkey? The driest meat ever?), tuna and tomatoes, and something called rice salad. Weirdo Richard finally mentions tasting food before serving… it only took half the episodes to get someone to say it. Woo!

Bottoms: Mark, Stephanie & Lisa (gohomegohomegohomeyousuck)
Tops: Dale, Richard, Antonia – Antonia wins

Elimination Challenge: Delicious, healthy dinner for four with a $10 budget

$10 at Whole Foods? Ahhh hahahaha! Whole Foods. $10 at Whole Foods is the cost of parking, folks. No family of four that is worried about their money shops at Whole Foods. Geez.

Everyone leans towards chicken except for a few folks.

Antonia calls her daughter who she decides to tell a joke to involving the word “poo”… yeah. Me too. She has immunity but I’m guessing they’re setting her up for some critique.

Kids come into the kitchen to “help” cook the meals. The chefs look a little bit irritated except for Antonia who is crying. They’re from a charity organization so they can’t openly bash them, but you know these people are control freaks and they don’t want anyone under food, let’s be honest. But, they seem to be enjoying their helpers. One kid cuts himself.

So far the dishes are a little on the fancier non-kid friendly side. Couscous, Chicken Paillard, Curry, Pasta Puttanesca, a few desserts.

The folks eating these dishes are kids from the charity organization they’re working with, as well as Chef Tom in the kitchen and Padma and crew out front. The kids are proving me wrong, they’re into just about everything especially the Paillard and the Puttanesca.

Kiwi Mark is scared of Chef Tom. He thinks Mark’s curry had the piss taken out of it by the Chef and seems to be on the defense – or this is just a lame plot point built into the trailer “for color”.

The judges don’t love Stephanie’s couscous. She seemed a little doomed from the start, don’t you think? They set it up a little obviously, we’ll see if I’m wrong. They don’t like Lisa’s food either, not enough veg.

First Up! Andrew, Nikki & Antonia and they are the best of the bunch. The best of the best of the bunch is Antonia.

Next up: Lisa, Stephanie & Mark. Mark thinks he’s there because Chef Tom doesn’t like him but really it’s his crappy curry, they did not at all enjoy Stef’s odd couscous and know that she’s better than it, Lisa’s attitude got her there but technically it was her underseasoning that got the critique.

LaHOOser: Kiwi Mark! I did not see that one coming. Bummer. He seemed like fun. Chef Tom mends the fence before booting him over it.

Next week people have heat stroke, exhaustion and Lisa’s crappy attitude while cooking for a wedding. Dale curses loudly and hits something. Looks like fun.


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