Top Chef, episode 6

Here we go again. And this time: it’s funny.

Gosh my city is pretty. Those bunk beds must just suck, man. Can you imagine? You go from a full, queen or king and then BAM! Twin bed with a guy snoring below you.

Jennifer’s back, still doin’ it for Zoi.

Tables of sweets. Padma introduces Pastry Chef Johny Iuzzini. I don’t really care about pastries and don’t eat them, so I’m only as impressed as the cheftestants are with this guy. Pastries have been the downfall, she says. So naturally their job is to create their own downfall.

Quickfire: Impress me with pastries!

Dale makes some coconut shaved ice, Lisa complains again, Richard is making banana scallops… hmm, Ballsy Spike forgoes an easy chocolate molten cake in favor of a souflee (oh, son), Jennifer did chocolate cake with frozen banana skewers, lots of chocolate, some fruit, some fried stuff, some tiny bits of things from the Aussie, a lemon cake yields no response.

Worst: Antonia’s lemon cake, Spike’s souflee, Mark’s what have you.
Best: Dale’s shaved ice, Lisa’s fried strawberry thing, Richard’s banana scallop.

Winner: Richard (and he’s now in the Top Chef cookbook… plug plug plug)
La-HOO-ser: No loser! Well… who the heck am I supposed to target for elimination?! I’ll just stick with Nikki, she sucks.

Everyone gets to go to Second City. Jennifer and Richard look disturbingly alike.

I went to Second City after my senior prom. I don’t know why that sounded like a good idea but that’s what we did. It was funny, and I saw some folks that night which are now famous so that’s something.

They get popped their Elimination Challenge on stage. Meals consist of five courses. Everyone picks dishes out of a hat and then form their own two-person teams. 10 chefs left, that works out.

Yellow Love Vanilla (ADHD Andrew & Spike making soup)
Depressed Purple Bacon (Mark & Nikki making roasted pork loin)
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage (Antonia & Lisa making sea bass, chorizo & purple potato)
Green Perplexed Tofu (Dale & Richard making curry)
Orange Turned-On Asparagus (Jennifer & Stephanie making orange, chevre & asparagus)

Boy, Lisa has a serious chip on her shoulder. She doesn’t want to “dumb her food down” because she’s on the team that happens to have the polish sausage, which she doesn’t want to make, so she and sucker Antonia make chorizo instead… ehhh yeah, good luck convincing Tom of your reasoning there. They’re saying “improvisation” as the reason to change their dishes – but improv rarely means just ignoring the thing the audience shouts out.

They find out there’s no machines. That means no quick prep, no blender, no mixers. Hand-made everything. Ricer, mortar & pestle, hands. Old school, buddy. Let’s see what these kids are made of. You wanted to improv? HA!

They have to go home to finish off the food and will then be hosting the Second City folks and judges at their home for dinner. Wow Richard just threw down four metaphors in two sentences. Keeping the fire under the burner, knocking it out of the park and two others. That was impressive.

Oh the pressure of being funny while judging because they’re from Second City. Something tells me that pastry chef has no sense of humor…

Good soup, they don’t like the orange stuff, the tofu scores big, the girls left off the Polish sausage and no one was impressed, they love love love the pork bacon Aussie – oops, I mean dish.

Lisa sucks. She’s the new Nikki but for different reasons… Antonia and she brought out tequila shots for themselves but none for the table, then did them in front of everyone giving them a snarky “sorry”. BOO!

Best: Richard & Dale (2nd runner up, Spike & ADHD)
Worst: Antonia/Lisa & Jennifer/Stephanie

Antonia and Lisa get reamed for the chorizo. Have these people never watched Top Chef? Have they never known Chef Tom? Pastry chef wants to know why didn’t do the no brainer of a Polish cooked in beer. Lisa wants to talk semantics of “a word” as being the reason she’s standing up there. Uhhh a word you chose to ignore, you mean? You SUCK!

Jennifer & Stephanie had too much goat cheese, not enough asparagus or orange. Too much stuff on the plate, ugly looking composition. Bad bread, lacked finesse. Jennifer cops to the cheese and the bread…. oops… she might be joining Zoi pretty soon, here. But I hope it’s Lisa. Seriously, she is an energy sucker.

Lisa actually thinks that if she’d have made what she was supposed to have made, she’d get yelled at for making “bar food”. Wow… denial train, population one, departing in five.

Wow Jennifer is going home…. oh man that bums me out. She was cool, she isn’t a negative jerk and she’s sad about it. If they’re setting it up for Lisa to go to the finals I’m going to be really upset. That was a terrible decision and I don’t agree with it.

But not enough to boycott. See you guys next week.

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