Sigh…… Top Chef

The reason I love Project Runway so much is because I’ve sewn and I know what goes into designing, marking, adjusting, tailoring, seam ripping, blah blah. I appreciate what it all takes to make an outfit let alone in two days (though I wonder if it really is two days and they’re really the ones sewing).

My beef with Top Chef (beef… chef…. get it) is the insult to the audience. That’s not real cooking, that’s not a real situation a chef would find themselves in and this time, it’s not a good way to show off Chicago.

And with that, I will begin my weekly update of this post based on my observations in real time as I’m watching the show (via the TiVo, most likely). Not so much about the contestants unless they strike me or something they create is amazing, but its representation of the city. My city. (PS, I’ll say it now: Chicago is called the Windy City because of the politicians, not the wind. We have no more wind than anyone else. This quote is attributed to Mark Twain, though we’re not sure. I say this because someone is bound to say something about the wind, and I will be rolling my eyes.)

Episode One: They took them to Uno? Really? Like that place isn’t touristy enough. It’s not even tasty pizza. And now they make their own deep dish. I wonder if they even know how to make a proper deep dish (layers bottom to top: crust, cheese, toppings, sauce, sprinkle of parm).
Hot sauce in the sauce? Gross.
MARMITE in the sauce? WHAT!
Uh oh some girl just said she’s Italian therefore she can make a good deep dish. I hope someone tells her Italians don’t know what the crap deep dish is…

Wow a lot of them really have no idea how to do this, proportionally. I’m a bit spoiled because I worked at Gino’s East for several years. I could have cleaned up in this challenge!

Rocco… how funny. I’d love for Bourdain to get in the same room with him after his thoughts on what happened to Rocco’s career as cited in ‘Nasty Bits’. Interesting.

Not nearly enough sauce… these guys are all about toppings. That pizza should be ooooooozing cheese and sauce.

Elimination Challenge: Go head to head with someone of your choosing, using a list of pre-selected menu items. Souffle…. interesting…. Steak au Poive, whomever tries that and fails is going home. Same with Eggs Benedict and the Duck L’Orange – those dishes are classics and if one major part goes wrong it’s a big deal. Chicken Picatta. Crab Cakes. There’s a lot of room for error in the Lasagne as there is no standard recipe. The Aussie is getting the duck but doesn’t realize there’s a way to do it. He just thinks it’s duck and orange, “how hard can it be?” Uh oh.

They can’t find mayo. Make your own, son. You are a chef, after all. Oh geez he doesn’t know how. And what cooking school did you say you went to…?

Ooh! Ha ha! There’s Bourdian as a judge! You people are getting no mercy. It’s time to judge. I won’t bore you with the results unless they’re interesting.

Wow they really hated the Picatta dishes and apparently the Souffles. Ouch. Ahh good old Chef Tom laying down the knowledge. He’s told these folks what we keep thinking season after season – they have no grasp of the classics and need to go back and learn them before they can appreciate their precious foams and what have you. Amen!

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